The Darkener's Console

You are likely to be eaten by a grue.

Dream —

I had a dream last night about my grandmother (my mom’s mom). She was about the age she was when I was very little, very chipper and happy, very aware and conscious. I don’t recall what we talked about but I feel it was mostly small talk. I wasn’t aware in the dream that she had died IRL; I wasn’t incredibly lucid. I just remember being happy to see her and thinking, ‘Wow, she must have had some coffee or something because she’s very aware, talkative and happy!’ =}

When I woke up, I had the Boys II Men song stuck in my head, “It’s so Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday”. I’m pretty sure I had not heard it in waking life recently.

DubFX – “Made” —

This is what true artists do to make it.


I’ve got my eyes open wide to the ceiling
I’m lying on my back in the center of a room
I’ve got a voice giving me a funny feeling

Its telling me the world’s going to end real soon
I’ve got to get a job otherwise I’m unappealing
Do my little dance for the man and consume
So I let my energy build for the healing
So I can reign down with my super sonic boom
I’m held down by a fog on my way to the top
All clouded and the pressure won’t rise
I’m on a mission to the sky with the stars in my eyes
Yet the weather won’t compromise
Like a ball on a chain that is strapped to my brain
I’m a prisoner inside of my dreams
So I will appreciate the future of a day
Where the clouds open up and scream
And I sing now

I ain’t gonna spend my time wandering why I never made it
I’ve already made it
I ain’t gonna spend my days thinking about why I never made it

Like the pages of a novel at the bottom of a shelf
I grow stiff yet I keep my pride
Like the one raindrop in the center of a rose
I’m in heaven with a world outside
Like another metaphor to describe my vibe
I’m just a vessel for my conscious needs
So I will appreciate the future of a day
Where the clouds open up and scream
And I sing now

I ain’t gonna spend my time…

It’s times like this I need to lose my inhibitions
Raise my fist and forget about decisions
Help assist in the party that I’m giving
Take on the vibe and soon you will be singing
That it’s times like this ya need to lose your inhibitions
Just raise your fist and forget about decisions
I’ll help assist in that party that we’re giving
Take on the vibe and soon ya will be singing
I ain’t gonna spend my time wandering why, I never made it
I’ve already made it.

Eulogy —

Ben Kenney is a madman. What an awesome song, what an awesome musician.


If I die from
Something so much less than smart
Know you’ve always held my heart
Even if we’re torn apart
If I leave you
Underdone and under whelmed
Just remember how it felt
Try to think of how it felt

I want my eulogy to say
He was the kind of friend that no one could replace (could replace)
And I want my family to know,
That I love them more than words will ever show (ever show)

If I miss my
Chance to make things right with you
Know how much I want it too
Know how much I need it too
Maybe someday
We’ll look back at this and laugh
Maybe this is all we have (x2)

I want my eulogy to say
He was the kind of friend that no one could replace (could replace)
And I want my family to know,
That I love them more than words will ever show (ever show)

I want my eulogy to say

If I die from
Something so much less than smart
Know you’ve always held my heart
Even if we’re torn apart

I want my eulogy to say (x4)
And I want my family to know,
That I love them more than words will ever show

Toes —

Standing on your toes for a picture
You know the recipe

Wash through the masses
With hidden corpses
With your own forces
With smiles and lies

Kill me

The stage is so relentless
Watered down and bent, this
The state is so relentless
Bend, this

My Predictions for Things to Invest in —

  1. Desalinization technologies
  2. Renewable (solar/wind) energies
  3. Open and moral A.I. (Artificial Intelligence) systems
  4. Autonomous vehicles (cars, but moreso drones/quadcopters, including passenger and freight/non) and autonomous vehicle networks
  5. Freight/shipping services (FedEx/UPS/etc.)
  6. Open Source security-focused hardware and software
  7. Electronic voting machines with paper receipts

Facebook Privacy —

You know, I would hope that people in general would have understood that Facebook is free for a reason when they signed up. You need to keep your defenses up just because of the nature of their business. They sell ads, ok? With a network so large you need to expect that “big players” are going to utilize it for their own ends.

So what’s the big surprise about privacy atm? Come on. You’re posting about your entire life. They own that data. You’re stupid if you think that was never the case.

He’s doing it —

He’s doing what he set out to do.

Just because Bannon is out doesn’t mean the goal has changed.

Look at his words, his actions. He is sabotaging stability on multiple fronts. You can’t say that what he’s doing is a mistake or that he’s overlooking alternatives. It is plainly obvious to me that they are deliberate and completely intentional. How can such a wide group of people not see this? Can loyalty obstruct truth? I think we all know the answer to that.

He thinks he’ll make this country great again – but his path for doing so includes causing unnecessary dismantling of economy, culture and faith in our country. He masks these large and sweeping moves by keeping the masses busy with his daily distractions, his never ending moving target of angry tweets and accusations. We can’t zero in on him if we’re constantly trying to prove his obvious falsehoods on a daily basis, there’s too many. It’s on purpose.

I feel like such a fucking tool for even living in this country right now. What the hell am I supposed to do?

“The Media Is” —

“The media” is.

Rather, the media is simply a conduit. A platform. A “thing”.

It can be used for good or for evil – to spread truth or spread lies. It 100.0% relies on whomever is using “the media” to choose the context, accuracy, editorial spin, on whatever facts or incidents have occurred.

I think what people call “the media” (a monolithic conglomerate of mass media and news agencies/outlets) cannot be measured by a single point. Or can it? Of course there is influence, but is there hierarchy? Is the Associated Press sort of “big daddy”, spoonfeeding to others what news is worthy of reporting on?

I don’t think there’s a real answer to these questions. “It” is too fluid. It depends on the perspective of those asking the questions.

When You’re High —

You crave the wonderful heightened sensations and pleasures given from food, music, touch, and sight but your general stability becomes compromised – which manifests itself as anxiety to non-real issues, apathy towards effort and ultimately altogether creating an aversion towards the (at that point in time) seemingly underwhelming and boring world of sobriety.

Conversation with my Dad —

I was talking on the phone with my dad the other night about business, money and character. I was telling him a story about how I had worked for a public school district for a couple of years as an I.T. contractor long ago. I was making good money and had there was much opportunity to make more by building my business plan to include taking advantage of public school grants for technical solutions. I was excited at first, seeing the amount of money that goes toward this kind of thing – and it was right up my alley. I could help children get exposed to Linux and open source software at an early age by implementing computer labs with that type of software. I could also make a very decent living while doing so.

The problem was that the further I got into studying how these government grants worked, the more I realized I would have to change my ‘character’ toward being motivated by the same things higher-ups at school districts seem to be motivated by; a group that eats, sleeps and breathes the system. And by “the system” I don’t mean the education system, like learning, furthering yourself and helping kids realize their potential (which is why I got into public school contracting in the first place). While peeling back the layers I realized the system was more about “winning” grant money. It was like a contest – you dig your heels into a proposition and kneel before the almighty administrative gods, begging for their mercy, for their tightly wound up wads of cash, promising to abide by each and every rule if awarded. Unfortunately, along with this begging comes absolute compromise in your original plan, bending your blueprints to fit *their* ideas, their requirements, their method of thinking (which essentially is motivated solely by money and not creativity, or even education).

All the while of studying these multi-year grant processes, I lost interest. I lost motivation. But how? I was supposed to be helping children, giving them a taste of F/OSS and Linux, an alternative technology to the corporate conglomerates that dominate the industry, that undoubtedly have spent billions on conditioning young minds to believe their warez^Hs are the one and only, the best and what they will be expected to know for the rest of their lives. How could I lose my way? I felt weak, not up to task for pushing for *real* change in the world I so wanted. I just couldn’t get myself to be motivated primarily by money and the public school technological grant system. I thought that others were much stronger in this sense, that I just wasn’t wired to push myself for the sake of money, even if in the end I got, at least, part of the result I wanted (helping young minds experience technology built not on the grounds of money but by cooperation, sharing and hard work).

My dad responded with something I wasn’t expecting. He said he was proud of me, that I was a strong person for not giving in. ‘Proud?’ I asked. ‘Strong?’ I thanked him but said I wasn’t expecting to be thought of as strong for giving up. What he said next I’ll remember for the rest of my life..

“You’ve got to stand for *something*, right?”

He told me that many people don’t have a conscience, that they are solely motivated by their pocketbooks, their selfish mindset and that I was right to not give in to all that. My perspective instantly shifted about this whole situation so long ago and I felt much better about myself. Even though my family and I are not exactly struggling to make ends meet at the moment, I am doing what makes me feel proud of myself, I have given myself the gift of freedom with running my own business the way I see fit, by working on projects that I feel will better the world.

I know my drive for these philanthropic goals won’t cease as long as I’m alive. I’m not motivated by money, I see it as a necessary evil – merely a tool for survival and, beyond that, comfort. Though I do feel I’m beating a much longer and uphill path to financial freedom, I know that my motivation to keep clearing the brush won’t subside. I know that with that eventual success will also come true happiness in having built something that I will be able to call one of my real legacies, something that others around the world will benefit from and express their creativity with…something I am proud to have stood for.

Thanks, Papa. =}

Training the World —

Backwards as fuck
Imagine the luck
Concrete evidence

Clown shoes
Pathetic roos
You think we’re entertained
You think the world is entrained

And maybe “we” are
Complacent in numbers
Dumbfounded and blundered
But not all of us are naive

Your game is pathetic
We deserve more honesty
But you want to trick the rest
Into hemming your dress

So pet your pawn
Let him spew shit from his phone
Pretend it’s real
Watch the rest of the world repeal

But it’s working…
But it’s working…
How can this be working

Are you all in on it?
Is this how you train the world?
Herd them all like sheep
Like Jesus in a pantsuit

Reality show superstar
Supporting roles get white powder in the mail
Or become the subject of hypocritical deportation
Give me a break

This show is boring
I’ll just go deploring
Sick of feeling imprisoned
Led by a carrot on a string

“Work” mates —

I’m thankful for those I “work” with. Colleagues become friends unexpectedly at times, showing how much I have in common with them. IRL is irrelevant. IRC is the medium. Working on a common goal solidifies intent. I feel today has been an important milestone, even if nothing “real” happened. We are completing the steps methodically, with a shared attention to detail and continued faith that this will one day be everything we have worked to create. Objectively open and good for the sake of itself and not for the sole sake of profit. You can’t buy that kind of motivation!!

“Uncle Sam” – The Terrorists —

Please excuse the rough recording, it was at a random practice at Amanda’s house. Ended up being one of the only recordings left after I deleted most of our stuff when the band fell apart. I wish I didn’t do that.

“The Terrorists” was a rock/punk/alternative band I was a part of in 2009-2010. The name was a play on the role the United States was playing on the world stage at the time. This one was one of my favorites.

Rehash —


You think you’re so suave
Making new on the old
Different gen, different gen
Press play for your memories again

Go away forever
I don’t need your direction

Taste the shitty weather
Rehash it all again

I see your loop
But I’m in debt to your coop
I want to move with the masses
Behold, we are all classless

Go away forever
I don’t need your direction

Taste the shitty weather
Rehash it all again
Rehash it all again

Regarding Digesting Independent Music —

I feel like listening to independently created music would be much better if it was performed live. Listening to recorded and mixed tracks with rough and raw vocals/instrumentation gives me an uncomfortable feeling. It’s not the artists’ fault, they’re trying to present themselves as well as possible. The thing is, when I hear heavily mixed/mastered tracks from people who don’t necessarily have the best chops, the sound is conflicting.

If these same artists performed songs live (i.e. livestreaming), people would be much more forgiving of the performance. Not only forgiving, though, but more engaged as well. When I know that an artist probably spent many weeks/months perfecting a track, and there are things wrong with it (maybe mistakes or pitch inconsistencies) I feel that this is the best the artist will ever be able to do. If I heard the same thing, but performed live, I would probably think much more of it as it’s a dynamic and fluid performance.

Virtualization —

Having been researching different open source types of clustering + virtualization + cloud platform technologies (IPVS/LVS, Proxmox, corosync+pacemaker, and at the moment openstack).

I feel it is a probability that, based on peoples’ ability to advance this kind of thing at such a rapid rate, that we’re all living in a simulation (virtualized environment/reality).

Think about it. We’re pretty young as a species (as far as we know). If we can advance technology this far in that little amount of time, we *must* have done it before. And before that. And before that…. the rabbit hole goes deep.

Detox —

Is a drug
I am addicted

Analog frequency
I hear its nuance
I can tell it from the digital

Got too close and gravity pulled me in
Locomotion brought me the distance

My body
Is a vessel
With a locked captain’s door

I can rise above
I can pretend
I am swimming in the open
I am swimming in the open

I wanna get so high
When I wave my goodbyes
As I soar past the skies

I can travel
Through space and time
But it’s still only mine
But it’s still only mine

I relapse
I forget
Pull my till through the soil

Soap opera stars
Thrown up couches and fancy cars
Country music don’t go too far

Father Time, Mother Nature
Who woulda known he’d rape her
And now I think I have to save her

Someday I will detox
I’ll go back to my roots
And so will you

Someday I will return
Perfect package or crash-and-burn
As long as I remember what I learned

I’ll remember what I’ve learned
I’ll remember what I’ve learned
I’ll remember what I’ve learned