The Darkener's Console

Your sword is glowing with a faint blue glow.

9/11/2020 —

I compiled this audio clip in 2004.

The eerie background noise is sound from the planet Saturn that NASA had captured.

The clicking sound is RF frequency bleed-over from my (then current) cellphone into my bass guitar pickups, sounding over my amp.

Everything else was my mind trying to cope with the after-effects of 9/11. I had an idea of creating an audio compilation of things that concerned me about what was happening in the United States after 9/11/2001. This was the result, and I’d say it’s artistically accurate representation of what was stirring around in my brain for so long. Every voice, every sound means something to me regarding the slow and steady erosion of what my country was supposed to stand for.

Looking back 19 years, I remember it all. Waking up to a friend knocking on my bedroom door, telling me, “Dude, America is under attack”. My eyes still hazy, something jarred inside myself that never quite let go.

All the rest is what we’ve all experienced together.

The world changed, for the worse, in some ways we predicted and others we did not.

I remember not too long ago reading a question on r/AskReddit – something to the effect of, “Why are all young people so depressed?” and the top answer was: ‘9/11 happened and nothing got any better.’

In a lot of ways I concur with that sentiment. Though I was 21 years old in 2001, I can only imagine what kind of long term effect watching planes hit, and the twin towers collapse, over…and over… on the news, in a seemingly endless fucking loop… had on those younger than me at the time. Trauma is like mold; it just keeps growing unless you know how to get rid of it.

Unfortunately I can’t say that overall, things have gotten better

What I do know is that I have tried to stop obsessing over things that are largely out of my control. Not to say that I cannot make a difference, but it’s too difficult to hold that kind of weight on your shoulders, especially when I had nothing to do with it. I was an innocent bystander. The best thing for me to do is ensure my life is the happiest, productive and fruitful as possible – with my *own* endeavors, not the endeavors of those in power who wish to use the innocent people of the world as pawns in their sick game of chess.

We are beggars, all.

Fall —

So tall
You stand and look so

When you fall
We will rule this

Don’t forget her
She’s so much better
You turn and she’s still

One day you know
They’ll put you below
And no one will even

Love’s all you need
Love’s all you need
Love’s all you need to

So tall
You think that you’re the

When you fall
They’ll be glad that it is

Don’t forget her
She’s so much better
You turn and she’ll be

One day you’ll see
It’s all so easy
And you’re the one who’s

Reap what you sow, you
Reap what you sow
Reap what you sow, you’ll
Stay but they will

Abolishing Hate —

There are too many fingers pointing at too many discriminations.

We cannot play Whac-a-Mole any longer.

It’s time for people to understand that all of the injustices we are fighting to abolish have a common root: Hate.

We need to abolish hate. If we cut this poisonous weed off at the root we will kill all of the branches it is sprouting.

How do we do this? Emphasize love instead.

Is that so far-fetched in today’s world?

What if? (#1) —

What if when people die, they are able to “read” or somehow “teleport” into others’ minds that are still alive? Influence their decisions, give them little “clues” or whatever… I know, sounds like Schizophrenia, right? But seriously. What if?

Madrone and Pine —

I can draw a line through my spiral
It cuts through tension and liars, though
The points in my timeline may harmonize
The fading dissonance is beautiful

Your circle is an endless loop
You think it’s a line, fool
Broken records and needles don’t rise
I got out with smoke and voodoo

Learned me good, you says, but
I got nothing but depressed, then I
Found a tool to synchronize
Now I know I can be happy instead

I’m better than you
Yeah and you know it, too
My lines cut through Madrone and Pine
And now you’ve got no one else to fuck you

So fuck you

Grandmother’s Cigarette —

Memories are like feeding flies
Looking for a way inside, but
These days I get so high
I get so high

But your grandmother’s cigarette
She was an Elvis vet
Yeah, she was an Elvis vet

I’m still learning the ropes
Still trying to cope, and
Still on that dope, I’m
All wrapped in smoke

But your grandmother’s cigarette
She was an Elvis vet
Yeah, she was an Elvis vet

Black Lives Matter —

I hate this term. It gives the impression that someone else’s perspective is at center stage and they’re feeling sympathetic toward the ‘poor little dark skinned people’, the ones who need to be stuck up for. “You matter too, sweetie!” ..makes me wanna wretch.

What I’m saying is, I’m sad that we have not evolved past this whole thing yet. We should have centuries ago. There should be no “Black Lives Matter” movement because OF COURSE THEY MATTER. It’s stupid to think that ANYONE’S life DOESN’T matter, ESPECIALLY because of their heritage or race. The fact that race inequality is a thing in 2020 is disgusting to me. Let one be judged by the content of their character.

Fuck those who believe otherwise, for THEY are the ones sustaining a rift between races.

Collective Consciousness —

We are

See our
Own demise

I am not the only one
I am not the only one
I am not the only one

I am

See your
Own demise

You are not the only one
You are not the only one
You are not the only one

Collective Consciousness and mood swings —

The odds were stacked against him.

Some days are just stacked so high, there’s no fighting it. Subconscious and unconscious cues and influences invade and infect your psyche and you are turned into a werewolf, a zombie.

Blame externals all you want but the singularity persists that it is YOU, through and through.

Coincidental mentions of almost identical thoughts and current situations by streaming radio DJs, observations of others with no contact…and simply the *feel* of dread envelopes an ego… it’s too much to dismiss.

An inevitable Epic Battle begins and it is simply too much for this warrior to fend off. He is already weary from the day’s gravity. He succumbs to the most intimate, in his own domain no less. Shameful. He dies, walking bloody into the creek.

But he’s safe, he brought his EDC and is ready for whatever comes next. Or at least that’s what may help bring hope, if nothing more than a physical representation of the will to go on.

Blissful Ignorance —

I remember
How long the sun was out

Fall, feather
And now I drown you out

I feel
Years past of today

I steal
Memories don’t go away

The mind is a gift

I’m playing
It shines in the bliss

Of ignorance
Of ignorance
Of ignorance

This bliss

Is ignorance
Is ignorance
Is ignorance

Victim —

How did I forgive you
Every time
Now I rummage through
Just in time to find

You were the best, but
You were the worst, yeah
You ruined it, see

I’m not gonna pretend
Like you’re insane
But you’re always perfect in your own head
Your guises serve to hide your shame

You are the best, but
You are the worst, yeah
You ruin everything

You always passed me off
You wouldn’t get in your car
This is all just
Feathers on my tar

Yeah, you always piss us off
You always go too far
All of this is just
Everything you are

You’re the victim
Yeah, you’re the victim

You were the best, but
You are the worst, yeah
You are the best, but
You were the worst, yeah

You only care about yourself
You only care about yourself
You only care about yourself

“Nature’s Responses” —

Kill me and I’ll
Kill you first

I’ve already rehearsed

You worried of fire and flood
Of tainted blood

Now buried in mud

But you kept hurting me
With white hot machines

Your toxic regimes

But now I can see
And now you can’t breathe

Ironic it seems

So how does it feel?
Now is it real?