The Darkener's Lair

There is a beautiful brass bauble here.

TOMC —

I’m feeling feelings rn so I’ll just take a big dump right here and feel better.

  • I’m sick of people who fuck the air quality for a 100+ mile radius with arson.
  • I’m sick of living in an air-basin.
  • I’m sick of people who only trust those who cater to their confirmation bias.
  • I’m sick of people who think they know better than everyone else.
  • I’m sick of people who always think about themselves first.
  • I’m sick of people who don’t use their fucking blinkers.
  • I’m sick of people who can’t say “I’m sorry” and not feel defeated.
  • I’m sick of people who say “I’m sorry” but dilute their apology with excuses.
  • I’m sick of people who are arrogantly ignorant.
  • I’m sick of people who are stuck in a closed, tired and given-up mindset.
  • I’m sick of people who are somehow incapable of empathy toward others.
  • I’m sick of people who only pretend they have empathy toward others.
  • I’m sick of inflated egos and self-centered ass clowns.
  • I’m sick of web weaving spiders.
  • I’m sick of COVID.
  • I’m sick of the people who are responsible for COVID’s continued existence.
  • I’m sick of the concept of money and the way it strips us of our humanity.

Yup. =)


Control —

Why do some people seek to control others? Because of fear. Why fear? Because of insecurity. Why insecurity? Because of doubt. Why doubt? Because the inevitable ticking of the clock and natural growth sprouts new knowledge that may conflict with one’s old beliefs.

When a mind is in conflict with itself, the weak will take the path of least resistance in lieu of self improvement, which is undeniably more difficult (especially at first). For them, the path of least resistance seems to be ignoring or even becoming hostile to the newfound knowledge. This, in my opinion, leads to the clinging to old beliefs with an artificial grip… One that the mind already knows is flawed but will insist upon itself to keep in the name of of habitual laziness (i.e. being honest and telling oneself one is wrong creates friction and is difficult for the ego to deal with).

Those who have grown used to believing that they are normally right have the most difficulty with self improvement and growth. It is very hard to admit that oneself may be wrong, especially about things one has strongly believed in the past. This is where the hostility, aggression and control of others comes in. One may cover up their faults with these negative traits toward others to strong-arm them into believing what their own mind is now in conflict with. If the issue is not neutralized it will mutate into a very unhealthy mind construct that will create an overabundance of mental conflict, negativity, hate, depression, fear, uncertainty and denial. These things eat away at one’s very soul.

This is something I’ve been working on for the majority of my life. I like to think that I am pretty humble most times when it comes to self-conflict. Of course, I have my days like everyone but I know that stepping back from myself reveals the real truth and I try my hardest to incorporate that into my conscious, waking every day life.

It’s incredibly hard to admit fault, defeat, being wrong at first, for anybody. Maybe even so hard for some that have grown accustomed to their belief that they’re always right that it would seem unimaginable to be wrong, so they dig deep into the issue to find any fault at all they can point at and declare themselves technically right. I see this in my young children and believe that this is a common trait for adolescents… But to hold onto these mental structures into adulthood is not only counterproductive but downright dangerous. It is the parents’ duty to teach their children that this is something to be grown out of, but if the parents themselves never grew out of it, the chain of control continues.

Do you know someone like this? Is it difficult to hold conversations with them because you fear they will become hostile if you present an opinion, knowledge or facts that conflicts with their beliefs? I feel for you, and I think a lot of people are going through this same situation in their lives right now. May you hold the strength within yourself to admit imperfection, while remaining strong to hold that which you know is just and right against those who attempt to strip it from you with brute force tactics.


Religion —

Much of what comprises organized religion has kept humans from progressing as a species. I’ve experienced this in my own life and I’ve seen it as an observer of this place.

The problem is primarily the function of interpretation and bias. These problems are enmeshed with human defects such as greed. Together, the innocent teachings of many religions are interpreted by many individuals, particularly those in a position of power (whether in a family, a community, a company, a nation) with a bias that (temporarily) satisfies their level of greed.

For followers, the satisfaction of believing that they are not ultimately responsible for their position in life, for example, is enough.

For religious figures/leaders, this greed eats away at their very souls… of course. They are only human. Some are stronger in their conviction than others, and it shows in regard to their true integrity. But others… dare I say most… of those in positions that ‘rule over’ others, so to speak, with the holy word, as if some kind of conduit is constructed between them and the divine… is just foolish to believe. Or, at least foolish to believe that you yourself do not contain every bit of pathway to the same thing as they do, no matter your background. There is no hierarchy in the heavens, but for some reason we are all drawn to constructs like that. It helps us reason somehow, I think.

I understand this does not apply to all religious humans. I do understand that true honesty, good will, respect and devotion do exist within many religious folks. But for those in power, in particular, these honorable qualities erode. It’s hard being a celebrity. Even a head-of-household can (and often does in my experience and knowledge of others) manipulate their immediate family on the basis of faith and religion. Power is a hell of a drug, and if not kept in check, it will inevitably become malignant and suffocate the above mentioned qualities; along with its bystanders.

Talking about this all reminds me of the lyrics… “Some of them want to abuse you // Some of them want to be abused”.


Balance is Contagious —

Balance is EVERYTHING.

If we can learn balance, we can undo what has been done.

If we can learn balance, we can remember who we are.

If we can learn balance, we will re-sync with nature.

If we can learn balance, we will realize that peace has always existed.

If we can learn balance, and practice balance in every aspect of our lives through the pivotal and mundane alike, with the living and the dead, our minds will calm and slow.

If we treat the all encompassing concept of balance, both physical and metaphorical, as what it deserves to be in our minds, lives, relations and souls… Trouble will no longer rule this place. We will remember the purpose of life and the flow of energy that moves within us.

Every one of us is capable of ANYTHING.


Buy —

You can’t buy me
This flows right through me

You can’t gamble for forgiveness
All of your attempts at this
All of the points you’ve missed:

You’ve spent this whole life running from yourself
And now your eyes are an empty shell
It’s quite obvious to all that you cry to and tell
And I’ll never be able to save you from yourself


School —

Today’s the first day of school for my boys.

Though it’s only been 35 minutes, and they’re just in the other room, learning from their laptops, I’ve already checked off three items on my to-do list for today. I’m almost lost; not sure what to do. I usually have had at least 3 ‘opportunities’ to stop what I’m doing and spend time with them (READ: One of them usually comes in the office, breaks my concentration and causes me to get up).

I miss them already :)


I don’t remember writing this, but I know I did —

I have faith in the world music community because
I’ve learned what makes one thrive.

People that care about each other – a fellowship of
sorts, with a strong passion for the music – the art,
the movement, the microcosms that form within the
whole. Virgin sounds are created and repeated for
consumption by people, in an effort to extract an
emotion or feeling.

This core communal motivation to make and experience
music together as a group is undeniable for many people.
It’s not a choice but a necessity – an underlying, never ending
call.

I feel that it’s time to build a new global music ecosystem.
One that’s based on freely sharing originally created works
and allowing the covering, remixing of them too. We cannot
rely on the current industry to allow the art of music creation
and consumption to happen organically – we need new music
under a new premise that sidesteps the deadlocks that
money brings to it.


On the Subject of Auto-correct and Curse Words —

Can we get a muthafuckin’ moment of silence…. for this small chronic break?

Yeah…smartphones be leavin’ out these words, like they don’t exist. I treat these dictionaries that don’t accept these words like I do 7-up; I never have, and I never will!

Let me express myself without direct and deliberate influence on the words I use. Is that too much to ask?


A Planet of Ideas —

With the advent of the Internet, we are no longer a planet of nations. We are a planet of ideas. A planet of people who congregate based on personal interest. The lines have been blurred in our minds, and that’s important to acknowledge when it comes to realizing how collective, global change happens.

The world has gotten a lot smaller in the past 30 years. We’re all feeling the growing pains of having ideas, not necessarily only from huge multinational media conglomerates, but from anybody, being presented to us. It’s confusing. We’re weren’t ready for it and I don’t think we’re used to it yet. There has been a vast widening of the perceivable spectrum of personal ideals. We’re not used to viewpoints so much different than ours or at least our country’s. That all used to be filtered.

And now, as we all get to know each other, we will hopefully all learn how to get along even if our personal ideals differ.. as long as we have something to unify us. Religion used to take care of that, but that landscape is changing rapidly as well.

We have a long ways to go to reach ‘unity’ with this. I have hope for current and future generations, however :) We’re making good progress.


U.S. Gun Obsession —

Actually, I believe America’s gun obsession is rooted in the Constitution.

“A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms shall not be infringed.”

There’s historical reasoning behind America’s tight grip on the right to bear arms, but it’s not rooted in slavery. Do you know what that history is?

Our “obsession” with guns isn’t about race, it’s about the right to defend oneself. This goes for men and women, white people, black people, gay people, straight people, nonbinary people, and all other people.

You know, Americans.

Cure the reasons why people want to kill in the first place, and you won’t have to worry about outlawing every tool they use to kill with.


“…And What Have We Learned?” —

The COVID-19 pandemic has wrought sickness, death and fear to the human species.

The scientists of the world have created a vaccine, specifically designed to inoculate humans against the virus. Less the anti-vaxers, humans everywhere have spotted a bright shining light in the distance – one of hope for the future. One that broadcasts that we might be ok.

But what about next time? What about the time after next? What about all of the previous times? How do humans contract these deadly viruses? Regardless of the claims of lab-grown mishaps, nobody knows for sure – but we *do* know where previous and related viruses have come from. It is largely attributed to animal-to-human contact due to deforestation and the general destruction of natural habitats, forcing these animals to migrate closer to human habitats.

In April last year I wrote a poem that theorized about this and the responses nature may give when it is abused. I believe that like any other living organism, Earth is capable of defending itself when threatened.

And who’s to say that humans aren’t abusing Earth? The connection between humans and nature itself is all but being held by a single thread, grasped by those who care enough to trade greed for future life on this planet. Held nervously by those who understand the delicate balance that must be kept, while peering angrily at those who dismiss the possibility that we can do something about the blatantly obvious and much too rapid shift in climate to protect ourselves and the ecosystems we are 100% dependent on to sustain life.

(NASA: “Climate Change: How Do We Know?”)

 

So what have we learned? Have we learned? Or are we destined to leech black soot from the ground and spew it into the air we breathe until we can’t anymore? Is the human species really still so arrogantly ignorant that we can’t join together in the name of methodically proven scientific fact, historical records and educated predictions of the future to save our species? Or are we still too short-sighted and distracted to join together for our collective survival?

I have hope that we can evolve and learn to balance our ways of life with the planet that hosts us. What else can I have, other than hope? It’s my survival instinct. Funny thing about instinct when it comes to survival – it can get ugly when things get bad enough and the ones who choose life and action get fed up with those who choose laziness, selfishness and inaction.

Let’s do the right thing for ourselves, the multitude of amazing and dependent species we live alongside, and the health of our planet itself. Earth has done damn well adapting to human life, it’s time we give back and adapt to it – because evidence proves that Earth is sick…so sick, it’s making us sick. (I’m looking at you, climate change deniers, flat-Earthers, all of you arrogant and uneducated fucks who keep pressing your inaccurate view of reality onto others with absolutely no factual basis or real evidence. And for what selfish purpose? Money? Power? The false sense of being right so you can go to sleep at night without having panic attacks? Fuck you.)


Leenode —

With so much drama in the IRC, it’s kinda hard managing a community. But I, somehow, someway, keep logging into irssi like every single day

May I kick a little channels for the Lees, And make a few ends as I apologeeze through, Two in the hashtags and the channel’s not jumpin’, cause they left the freenode

I got users in the chat rooms gettin’ it on, And they ain’t leavin’ till the year 2091

So, what you wanna do? /quit? I got a client full of channels and my homeboys do too

Forget ’bout the fight and close window, it’s all done, we don’t love them ho’s, yeah

so, we got IRC bounce for this. Vs up, ops down, while you channelopers kick for this

Bumpin’ IRC, smokin’ Andrew, connecting Libera too…laid back.. with my mind on community and community on my mind

 

(A little back-and-forth I did with another user in my local LUG channel, haha)


Insurrection vs. BLM Protests —

God I love reading the news. /s


“The federal government was unprepared for this insurrection, even though it was planned in plain sight on social media for the world to see,” Maloney said. “And despite all the military and law enforcement resources our government can call upon in a crisis, security collapsed in the face of the mob, and reinforcements were delayed for hours as the Capitol was overrun.”

Republicans sought immediately to change the focus to the civil unrest that arose from racial justice protests, suggesting that Democrats outraged over the Capitol riot failed to strongly condemn violence last June in the days following George Floyd’s death in Minneapolis.


Oh the racial justice protests? You mean the ones where people were protesting the unjust and intentional murder of a black man for no good reason? The ones where 90% were peacefully protesting and police still brutalized them? The ones where police were absolutely prepared with masses of cops, militarized police weaponry, using tear gas like breathing air?

There’s a BIG DIFFERENCE between condemning a categorically minority percentage of bad actors in a nation-wide protest against a police man intentionally murdering a minority (again…I was 11 years old when Rodney King was brutally beaten by the LAPD and the phrase, “Can’t we all just get along?” was imprinted in my young mind forever), and condemning an attempted coup against our nation’s capitol by domestic terrorists that were fooled by a lifelong con-artist who wanted to remain in power so he could complete his dismantling of what little democracy we have left…and for what? His own personal gain? All along the way, dismissing COVID-19 with no plan? And do we want to even contemplate revisiting the hundreds of other completely insane choices he made as POTUS? Do we? Can you even fucking imagine where the U.S. would be if he were still POTUS today, in May 2021?)

Trump *absolutely* allowed what was happening at the capitol. He was excited, glued to his television while it unfolded. He ignored pleas from his government, his people. There was no action to stop what thankfully turned out to be a literal shit show. Trump. Caused. The. Capitol. Insurrection. And everybody needs to understand this. It is undeniable.

Listen– I don’t mean to upset or criticize anyone for their opinion. But we have to remember that what happened on Jan. 6 2021 is not comparable to the BLM protests. They were each spawned into our collective reality under much different premises. We have to examine each of them for what they were, why they were so we can understand that nobody wants violence to be the outcome of civil unrest. We’ve got to see that the gaslighting and psychological mind games being played by Trump and Republicans in Congress to the public, most notably for the past 13 years (starting with the Obama ‘birther movement’ conspiracy theory) need to stop. We all know what’s happening right here, right now. We understand the history and the motive behind it. I have faith that the American people, by and by, will ultimately remember that liberty and justice for all isn’t dead. We just have to stop playing these childish games.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


Bitch Mustard —

The other night I came across this post on Reddit and instantly lyrics started pouring into my head. This morning while riding my motorcycle I filled it out a bit. I have a beat and basic vocal melody too, just not recorded yet. Who wants to collab? =D

“Bitch Mustard”

I don’t really want none of yo’

BITCH MUSTARD

I just wanna give you all my

CREAM CUSTARD

Don’t love you but I wanna be yo’

BIG LOVER

Bologna sandwich, tuna fish
Crazy bitch why don’t you
Come and take me on

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOME


Quarter ’til New —


My desktops, both virtual and physical, have been a mess. As has my mind. The pattern is still somewhat of a mystery but the symptoms are showing exceptionally bright this time around. I feel as if it’s all at a climax, I’m glad I took that motorcycle ride this morning (mitigation can be fun, even if you’re doing “work”).

I must return to balance. If I do, this shall not only pass but become another learning experience. Otherwise, it will become seeds of negativity, to sprout later. I have seen this all too much in my lifetime and I feel I’ve become pretty keen at spotting it early on and extinguishing it in myself. I’d like to think that I’m past that (muhahaha).

Though this spiral causes reunions of sorts, I need to remember that I’m viewing them as passive events. I am not, or no longer, involved in them, so I need not be affected by them. I must remember that these words can mean many different things.


Anti-vax —

I think I get it now
I think I figured it out

It’s all pretty simple
Pitiful

You don’t care about anyone else
You only care about yourself

Yeah, I caught you, now I
Know all your why’s and how’s

You don’t care about anyone else
You only care about yourself

You don’t think about anyone else
You only think about yourself

No need for hate or humor
I’ll see you at your funeral


30 Years Ago Today —

Over the years I’ve written a few posts about what this band meant to me. It’s funny that even as I was writing about ToTD back then, that the band was putting a second, completely separate and just as powerful impression on me through my learning about Andrew Wood and the core of how things happened in that little microcosm of a scene. Chris Cornell dying just a couple of years after my second discovery brought the tragedy that motivated this record, back into the forefront for me and so many others I’m sure.


I know —

I know

I know

I know
Nothing

And that’s o.k.
With me
I learn more every day

I’ve wondered why my dreams
Never became reality
But now I wonder how this negativity
Ever had a hold on me
Ever had a hold on me

Funny how
Long time ago
I knew it all…

But the older I get
The more I realize

(repeat)


Spam / Junk Mail —

I’ve felt for a while now that scanning my spam/junk mail folder for legitimate mail has an inherent negative affect on my mood.

I use SpamAssassin on my mailserver which takes care of the bulk of my junk mail. Even with this protection, as most know, a good amount still comes through – and introduce my 2nd line of defense, Thunderbird junk mail control. It does a fantastic job at picking up the pieces SpamAssassin dropped while devouring the constant influx of wasted bits.

I sort junk by subject so as to group like spam together and make it easier to scan quickly. So a few times a day, I click on that folder and scan with my eyes. I get all sorts of random crap, like most do. What’s concerning to me is that even scanning subject lines is giving an “impression” (ad/marketing speak) on me.

Next time you’re scanning your junk mail, take note of the keywords that are used. They’re more common than you think and some of them are concerning to me.

‘War’. ‘Money’. ‘President’. ‘Stress’. ‘Finances’. ‘STDs’. ‘Poverty’. ‘Health problems’. ‘Diabetes’. ‘Erectile dysfunction’. ‘Cancer’.

Speaking from a subconscious perspective, it’s not unlike the famed one-frame “BUY COCA COLA” insertion at drive-in movies of the 1950’s. I believe that looking at words consistently over a period of time, even with the intention of deleting them, can have a subtle influence on the mind and therefore body.

Sometimes I wish I had time to start a ‘junk-mail’ campaign that spread positive words to people. It would be like a war on junk mail.