> The Darkener's Console

The troll's axe barely misses your ear.

Astrology: Esoteric Nonsense? —

You could say this for any belief system that people take too literally, although I do find it plausible that the orientation of the planets in our solar system has at least something to do with our moods. Force of gravity for instance – humans are made of up to 60% water. The moon pulls on us like it does the tides. Just one very simple example of why so many people believe there’s something to it.

EDIT: Found this pretty interesting.

[Covid-19] California lifts mask mandates for the vaccinated —

Two days ago California lifted the mask mandate for those who are vaccinated only. Those who are unvaccinated are still required to wear masks indoors.

Here’s my rhetorical question: What makes anyone think that anti-vaxers are going to suddenly start following the rules?

February 2021 Covid-19 cases are still currently higher than Summer of 2020. I can understand the need to re-open fully for the economy’s sake, but personally it’s a sad state of affairs when money is pitted against public health, no matter to what degree.

Here’s to the 5th wave (cheers), damn I hope I’m wrong though.

Brandon? —

“Let’s go Brandon” is a popular phrase among the alt right because they feel they’re getting away with saying “Fuck you Biden” without actually saying, “Fuck you Biden”.

Because that would actually require, you know…balls.

Ego Strip Social —

I am passive
I listen to you
But I’m only Rx
I don’t transmit too

I don’t mind
No, I don’t mind

I don’t give a flying fuck
I can’t explain it ’cause I think you suck
Sorry but it’s best for both of us

I got my wings
I’m evolving
I’ll take what I need
And that’s all I need

Giraffes Don’t Exist —

I know that you’re starting to
Find out the truth

You’re doing the research
Fight nail and tooth

There’s one thing that I’ve really
Been meaning to tell

To the one that I know
And who knows me so well

It’ll blow your damn mind
How we’ve all been the fool

To the biggest conspiracy
Since we landed the moon

Please understand and
Just turn off your phone

They’re listening to all of us
We’ve made ourselves known

Get ready to hear it,
You’re gonna be pissed

But I had to tell someone
Giraffes don’t exist

Theory —

Theory: Hard-right conservatives and Trump supporters accuse Biden of characteristics that Trump demonstrated while in office even though they bear no relation to Biden in reality. I believe they’re doing this as a subconscious action or reflex of suppressing their fear and self-admittance to having supported Trump, given the fallout and continued mountain of evidence that is stacking up against him and what actually happened during his presidency (especially in relation to January 6th insurrection).

Let’s take a look at this pretty list of characteristics:

  • Dictator
  • Tyrant
  • Fascist
  • Hitler-esque
  • Senile old man
  • Worst President Ever
  • Doesn’t care about the national debt
  • Taking away rights
  • Doesn’t respect American/patriotic/constitutional values
  • Total mismanagement of COVID pandemic
  • Going to bring war to the country through his actions

Who are we talking about again?

Major facets of a nation, things like the economy, society, image and culture shift much like steering a boat. It’s going to keep turning in a particular direction as it gains momentum. Just because it’s been a year doesn’t mean that we’re not still experiencing the steering of the previous administration. No matter how much you crank the wheel in the other direction, depending on how aggressive that last turn was you’re only going to be able to correct so much in a certain amount of time.

The current narrative enables those who wish to continue to suppress the truth, even to themselves, and point their finger at a scapegoat in the name of believing they are ‘still the righteous ones’. Anti-intellectualism is a hell of a drug.

Success vs. Failure —

This came into my head when I was finishing up my Tai-Chi routine this morning:

I was raised believing that there is an ‘end game’ or ‘goal’ in life. When I die, I am judged based on my actions. If I am deemed worthy to go to Heaven, I will spend eternity in bliss. If I am deemed unworthy, I spend eternity in agonizing pain in Hell.

This is counterproductive to the basis of human psyche because it conditioned me early on to strive for goals, to ‘grand finales’ everywhere in life. This mindset made it difficult to imagine the concept of continuous progress and improvement with no concept of a finish line.

When we start to learn a new skill, it can be difficult. Often times we give up  learning after a short while (for example, learning to play the guitar as in the episode of The Simpsons in which the picture above is referencing) because we decide that it’s not worth it. We say things like, “I’ll never be as good as XYZ Legendary guitar player” or “It’ll take too long to get to the place I want to be”. We give up, we feel defeat, and then get depressed about it.

Do you see what I mean? What a fucking waste of time.

What I’ve come to realize is that a simple shift in how I thought about things changed the trajectory of my entire life and how I deal with it. For instance, if I want to be proud and think of myself as someone who practices T’ai chi ch’üan for example… If I want to realize the benefits of calm body and mind and a happy heart, I simply must simply think of myself as someone who does Tai-Chi *now*. The practice becomes more satisfying when I ditch the notion of reaching a goal.

Life is a journey, not a destination” – Aerosmith

Always one hears these little nuggets of wisdom. I feel like it’s reached a much more mature level in my life these days. It’s a weird feeling, like growing up a second time. I guess that’s how life goes.

The first half of my life was a historical mess. If I didn’t force myself to change for the sake of the quality of my own life, I’d still be getting pissed off at red lights that don’t change. I’d still be growing increasingly depressed about the ‘shitty hand I was dealt’ in life looking up and yelling, “WH?!” like Superman when Lois Lane dies in the earthquake. I was constantly externalizing my grief and depression, as if it was being done to me. I wasn’t taking responsibility, I was cowering. Misery is comfortable. Not warm, but comfortable. Familiar. Pretty tragic, really.

I’m an empath to a fault. I’d still be the angry person I was taught to be because I would still be trying to conquer or avoid obstacles that appear in front of me, even mocking my progress and taunting me. “Those obstacles shouldn’t be there! What the hell is going on? I worked so fucking hard, and now THIS?!”.  I would still be “the victim”.

It’s the obstacles that make us better.

In fact, what I used to think of my to-do list is another great example of a destructive mindset. It will never be “done”, because it keeps growing. I will check things off, but I will never have no tasks, I will never achieve the goal I thought I could reach by completing all of my to-dos. Life doesn’t work like that, progress doesn’t work like that. It’s silly to me now how frustrated I used to get at the thought of an ever-growing to-do list, like a mountain that I’m climbing that keeps getting bigger. “How will I ever get to the top if the fucking thing keeps growing?!”

I owe it to myself to understand that if I want to BE SOMETHING, I must acknowledge that I already am. The gradient, the range from start to finish, is never ending and ever-expanding (if I’m lucky!). I will never be the “best” at anything, I will never reach the gigantic, esoteric goals I set out for myself because 100% achieving any goal of this type is impossible. The entropy of human existence and the mind construct of time itself crushes any belief of mine that at some point in my life I can lay down at night, with a big fat smile on my face, and say to myself, “I did it!”. It doesn’t exist. In realizing this, I somehow started motivating myself much more than I ever have before to continually improve myself, make progress in my endeavors and feel true satisfaction at the end of each day.

My hope is to continue to remember this more consistently for the rest of my days. Some people never come to this realization and I’m grateful that I’ve been able to push myself outside of the comfortable boundaries of depression, anxiety and a victim mindset that so many people never seem to escape from. But the mind is a tricky thing; I am still learning how to tame it.

Music related apps, websites, etc. —

Am I the only one who finds it distracting that music (read: audio) related resources online have such a rich visual element?

Here I am with my bluetooth beanie on, connected to my phone, but at my PC doing research. I come across a music blog related to promoting independent artists. I want to stop my music and start something from the site, which would require me taking my hat off and putting on my PC headphones… but my motivation is just not there. I scroll downward through the blog, with large and rich images of artists, related advertisements and other graphical content. There’s a music player in the upper-right corner but I’ve already become distracted by the shiny things. Oh well, I’ll just keep listening to my own music. Maybe if their blog was less about the eyes and more about the ears…

Happy New Year, 2022! —

Here it is, December 31st @ 8:41pm. We’re all making homemade pizza dinner and I run to the bedroom.. I turn on the light, make sure my hair looks nice, spray on a bit of cologne, maybe some eye drops..

After 16 years of marriage I feel things like this haven’t changed a bit. I still want to look good for her, I still get excited that she’ll probably give me that unforgettable smile that she gives when I get close to her, pulling me in for a hug…and stuff… ;) And she does the same types of things.

The love I have for her is endless as I feel hers is for me. I am so goddamned happy and in love all the time, STILL, I don’t know what to do or figure out how I got so lucky. She’s the best and she says the same things… It’s an endless loop of happiness that I can only imagine is what the essence of the meaning of life is. I can only hope the same for everyone in this world, as IMHO there is no greater achievement than finding this kind of consistent love and bliss. <3

On Domain Names, Business Ventures and Hostname Lineage —

I have a domain, let’s call it “networking.tld” (not really). It was obtained for my first business venture.

I first purchased it when I was 22 years old, starting a technical consulting and support company with a really good friend of mine, Chris. Another good friend, Steve, was our ‘acting’ business manager. I remember us all going to Round Table Pizza for a meeting one day. We were to discuss what the company name should be. I remember suggesting “Green Light Networking” which I thought was cool and clever because green blinking lights are synonymous with network links being ‘up’. Chris and Steve didn’t like it, though. They suggested something more formal, such as “Networking Solutions” (not really). I reluctantly bowed to their suggestion given I wanted to impress clients as well with our professionalism (ha!).

With the company name out of the way, we started thinking of a catchy slogan. We started joking around after a few minutes of throwing ideas around. “Networking Solutions – because we live in the information age… or something.” was the one slogan I remember from that day, 19 years later.

Soon after we started out Chris unfortunately bowed out of the operation. In the short amount of time we worked together though, I learned how to be more confident in selling myself and my business to clients. I’ll always appreciate him for demonstrating that with our first prospective, where we were to redesign a Microsoft database (which neither one of us at the time had any idea how to do).

So now that I’m finally winding this business down 19 years later and focusing on my new startup, I’m noticing that the domain we purchased so long ago is deeply embedded into all of my infra. I can’t just “change it out” to be tidy and current. I understand more and more each day how legacy names of systems, services, etc. of *any* operation stick around for years, if not decades, simply because it’s not worth playing janitor if it works. Besides, it’s given me a chance to re-imagine the meaning of the domain name for the future.

But more than that, there’s a certain nostalgia and lineage for I.T. / systems / network administrator / engineer / dev / ops types in the naming of their systems that tells a story; and those stories and how they all play out are some of the most remembered and cherished parts of any business.

Or something.

Another something I don’t remember writing —

I found something I wrote scribbled on a paper note the other day. Don’t remember writing it super well but I like it =p

Live like you’re different
But remember you’re the same

Out of all the lives I’ve lived
Only one thing hasn’t changed

A compass can’t direct
You can lead a horse to water
I like to live life for today
I like to live life for tomorrow

Entropy —

I want to believe
In all this entropy
These synchronicities
Are undeniably

All mine

I want to dismiss
This negative hiss
But it seeks balance
It sucks me

So dry

But I want to believe

Orbit —

The more we see
The planets move
The more we see

And if you get distracted
Just close your eyes

The more we believe
In me and in you
The more we believe

And if you get distracted
Just open your eyes

We both know the fact is
We need to go high

:gl1tch —

One of my favorite compositions and songs with :gl1tch, my first band with Jon and Matt back in 2008. Sorry for the bad quality, I don’t remember what contraption we had going on at the time =p

Apart from my love of odd/free time signatures, I’m most proud of my incorporation of the Fibonacci sequence (1-1-2-3-5) in the fourth section.

The song starts super slow but has an interesting progression that gets cooler (well, I think so anyway) as it goes on. The ideas I was visualizing at the time for this song still shine in my mind’s eye. I love how music does this for me.

Rapture —

Is this your rapture?
Lack of Synapse to capture

Is it what you were waiting for?
This, a glaring metaphor

These beliefs are
Did they serve you well
Did you escape this Hell

Is this your rapture?

Rift —

Pull me
In the other direction

My thoughts
Are scrambled

A nail in the coffin
And all you’ve been scoffing
And all I’ve been wanting

Is to feel

Lull me
Into your misconception

You are
A cannibal

I’ve done all my talking
And you’ve started walking

From me