The Darkener's Console

> It is pitch black. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.

Synchronize —

I picked up my bass for the first time in a little while. I ignored everything around me and just played for a few minutes.

I was able to get lost in the melodies/loops I was playing fairly quickly this time. I realized that for having been away from playing for a while the purpose of it. My mind completely disconnected from the physical reality around me. I felt a release; a letting-go of what normally spins circles in my consciousness. I had descended from that frequency into a lower one, “looking” around and realizing where I now stood.

I missed this place.

I dusted off the walls, I admired the soft glow of light around me, I felt the swirling of sound that enveloped my soul become more pronounced with each note I played. I wonder how I had ever wandered so far from here. I was so comfortable… it was all so familiar but it seemed like forever since I’d been here.

Our brains literally operate on distinct frequencies. It is up to us to “tune” them to the desired “station”. Playing my bass this afternoon for those few solitary minutes helped me remember that. This information is so key to our happiness, our well being. A tool to practice using, for sure.


Cigarette Girl (Studio) —

Me on bass with The Terrorists (Justin Sweet on Drums, Travis Brunetti on vox+guitar). You know at first I thought the main riff for this was cheesy, but it grew on me after we practiced it. Still one of my favorites that we played. I love the live versions even better, Travis normally used a more powerful voice than here (he likes his Elliot Smith voice ;) )


Mudvayne – Mercy, Severity —

Mudvayne are genius musicians. Hidden in the hardcore math-metal progressions and guttural screams is an intricately composed symphony with accompanying lyrics. Absolutely amazing work in my opinion.

Lyrics:

We’ve come here from so far away
I can save you if you leave it all behind
This suffering’s been far too long
Would you take a trip with me on the back of a star?
I feel like this gravity is just here to pull us down

(Mother of creation, wait)
Embrace the souls of a lost world
Carry them away
(Darkness, negative, receptive)
Pour firmament between our waters
Separate the space

(Mother of destruction, wait)
With a belt of skulls, strap me down
And send the ship away
(Progress with the process)
Mine the souls from their casts
Pour, form, and re-shape!


This dark womb wraps and covets me
Redefining understanding if you open up the heart
Nurturing this phenomenon…
We can carry you on our wings
Our wings, through the dark

Lightning flashes of insight
Into the mirth of a dark sky
Pain of division is nothing
Joy of dissolution is everything!

(Mother of creation, wait)
Embrace the souls of a lost world
Carry them away
(Darkness, negative, receptive)
Pour firmament between our waters
Separate the space

(Mother of destruction, wait)
With a belt of skulls, strap me down
And send the ship away
(Progress with the process)
Mine the souls from their casts
Pour, form, and re-shape!


Portal sits deep within the eye!
The eye of Yin’s severity rewards understanding
Portal sits deep within the eye!
The eye of Yin’s severity rewards understanding

Blackness consumes…
Body covets, core of nothing!
Blackness consumes…
Body covets, core of nothing!

Mother, I can remember a vault of security…
Would you take me away?
Would you take me away?
Won’t you take me away? Away!

(Mother of creation, wait)
Embrace the souls of a lost world
Carry them away
(Darkness, negative, receptive)
Pour firmament between our waters
Separate the space

(Mother of destruction, wait)
With a belt of skulls, strap me down
And send the ship away
(Progress with the process)
Mine the souls from their casts
Pour, form, and re-shape!


Bleed —

Prick the vein
bleed

It’s all the same
bleed

Keep it coming
I’m not bluffing
Tell me all you are

When I came
It was all the feels

You’re the same
You don’t know what’s real

Keep it coming
I’m not bluffing
Tell me all you are

Keep it coming
I’m not bluffing
Tell me all I am

All I am
All I am


Retrograde —

Pull me in
I’m getting lost
In my path
I’m in retrograde

Let it sink in
All that’s possible
Do the math
We’re not in dismay

I’m falling behind
And you’re not blind
Please help me…

I’ve been trying
But you’ve been lying
Splashes on the street

You’ll return once again
The sun will shine, my friend

2

4

6

8

10


One Way Mirror —

You say you don’t want to
But you shove words in my face
C’mon baby why don’t you
Put me in my place

I see through you
Cuz you can’t see yourself
This one way mirror
Must be hell

You say you’re a healer
But you reek of toxicity
I’m past the manipulation
All your hypocritical empties

I see through you
Cuz you can’t see yourself
This one way mirror
Must be hell

You bring up the dead
To try and persuade me
Immaturity serves only
To cast light on the sea

I see through you
Cuz you can’t see yourself
This one way mirror
Must be hell

You say ‘leave me alone’
But you keep coming back
You are so conflicted
My last words are in black


People Are Funny —

I’ve learned that people who attempt desperately to convince me of a quality about themselves is simply a (categorically futile) attempt to convince themselves. It’s like their own inner conflict of self identity – what their actual reality and position in life is vs. what they see themselves as ideally… the mask of ‘ideal’ is coming off. Maybe this creates a state of mind in which some may impulsively seek others to help them suffocate their own self doubt instead of doing the hard work to change.

If you feel you are one of these people: you don’t need to tell people how honest and loving and pure you are. They should already know through your past actions, right? To try and convince anyone otherwise is persuasion, and it’s silly.

Own your reality and understand that you’re not fooling anyone, especially yourself.


Broken Record —

A broken record // Says nothing new // Skips back and forth // I’m wasting my time

//

This broken record // Is nothing new // Flips back and forth // I’m sorry it’s mine

//

Cut the power // Tables won’t stop turning // Break the shower // These seasons keep churning

//

Wilt the flower // I’m sick of your concerning // Jump the towers // Endless loop keeps returning

//

You can’t stop

You don’t see

What I see

//

This won’t stop

You only believe

One, two, three

//

You can’t stop

You don’t see

What I see

//

This won’t stop

You only believe

One, two, three


Collective Consciousness —

Some days I feel like the collective consciousness has immense power. Like the stories you hear about large group meditation causing measurable decreases in crime of that particular area. I feel like when large national/world events (I’m looking at you, Democratic debates) seemingly cause even those who aren’t paying attention (me) to be in a certain mood, I remember how strong these intangible concepts really are.

Or maybe it’s just a coincidence.

But probably not.

Good > Evil. Happy > Sad. Love > Hate. Truth > Lies.

I want to steer the collective consciousness toward what’s important to advance our species. This three ring circus is tired. Maybe the ones at the top think they know what they’re doing, but I don’t think so. Most of them likely have no concept of the impact they have. Agendas blanket attention and ant-mode takes over. Get the sugar, bring it back to the nest. Repeat until you’re dead.

What a waste of energy.

Reality is more than individualism. We are all here together. We *chose* to be here. It sucks that a prerequisite to life is the vanishing of the concept of real purpose. But maybe therein lies the mystery to solve. The trick is to keep balance when you’re standing upside down on the ceiling. Maybe I’ll be a gecko in my next life, that would make it easier. Of course, my ability to make change would be much less. Of course it would also be a nice break. Oh well.


She Came Home With Music —

She came home yesterday with a bag full of CDs and records.

We joke that since getting a turntable and CD player, we’re going to go broke buying used CDs and records (it’s becoming an addiction)… If we do, at least we’ll have music. We will be happy. And that’s all that matters.


Pizza In-Utero —

Just now I realized the oven rack we had our pizza on was too high (heh).

I opened the oven quickly, slid the oven rack forward and caught the pizza stone as it slid. I put the pizza on the stove and moved the rack down a space. I took the pizza stone and pizza in my mits and put it back gently onto the more optimally placed rack and closed the oven door.

It was like removing a 4 month old fetus out of the womb and re-inserting it. I felt like a wizard surgeon. I am a wizard surgeon.


Self Image —

Some people spend their whole lives attempting to define who they are as a person.

I’ve come to the realization that ‘who I am’ is in a constant state of flux. To attempt to define something that is always changing is not only pointless and counter-productive but harmful. What if I have future doubts about my definition? What kind of self-conflict would that generate?


Family —

There’s a point in family development where the children grow up and should be treated as adults by their parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc.. the authority of “elder” must evaporate and mutual respect must be given, as equals. If this shift does not happen and the (now adult) children are continuously treated as inferior, non-authoritative or otherwise, the now adults tend to separate from those who are unwilling or incapable of giving that much needed and deserved respect.

I’m finding out the hard way that my childhood perception of my greater family being such joyous, loving, respectful and honorable people at their core… was pretty much fabricated. My generation is struggling to rise above that illusion and see many of the elders for who they really are when the shit hits the fan.

It’s liberating and terrifying at the same time.

“Now the river’s run dry
And everything has died
And all the trash on the floor
You can’t hide it anymore”