The Darkener's Console

> It is pitch black. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.

Archive for the ‘blogs’ Category

Bleed —

Prick the veinbleed It’s all the samebleed Keep it comingI’m not bluffingTell me all you are When I cameIt was all the feels You’re the sameYou don’t know what’s real Keep it comingI’m not bluffingTell me all you are Keep it comingI’m not bluffingTell me all I am All I amAll I am

Retrograde —

Pull me inI’m getting lostIn my pathI’m in retrograde Let it sink inAll that’s possibleDo the mathWe’re not in dismay I’m falling behindAnd you’re not blindPlease help me… I’ve been tryingBut you’ve been lyingSplashes on the street You’ll return once againThe sun will shine, my friend 2 4 6 8 10

One Way Mirror —

You say you don’t want toBut you shove words in my faceC’mon baby why don’t youPut me in my place I see through youCuz you can’t see yourselfThis one way mirrorMust be hell You say you’re a healerBut you reek of toxicityI’m past the manipulationAll your hypocritical empties I see through youCuz you can’t see […]

People Are Funny —

I’ve learned that people who attempt desperately to convince me of a quality about themselves is simply a (categorically futile) attempt to convince themselves. It’s like their own inner conflict of self identity – what their actual reality and position in life is vs. what they see themselves as ideally… the mask of ‘ideal’ is […]

Broken Record —

A broken record // Says nothing new // Skips back and forth // I’m wasting my time // This broken record // Is nothing new // Flips back and forth // I’m sorry it’s mine // Cut the power // Tables won’t stop turning // Break the shower // These seasons keep churning // Wilt […]

Collective Consciousness —

Some days I feel like the collective consciousness has immense power. Like the stories you hear about large group meditation causing measurable decreases in crime of that particular area. I feel like when large national/world events (I’m looking at you, Democratic debates) seemingly cause even those who aren’t paying attention (me) to be in a […]

She Came Home With Music —

She came home yesterday with a bag full of CDs and records. We joke that since getting a turntable and CD player, we’re going to go broke buying used CDs and records (it’s becoming an addiction)… If we do, at least we’ll have music. We will be happy. And that’s all that matters.

Pizza In-Utero —

Just now I realized the oven rack we had our pizza on was too high (heh). I opened the oven quickly, slid the oven rack forward and caught the pizza stone as it slid. I put the pizza on the stove and moved the rack down a space. I took the pizza stone and pizza […]

Self Image —

Some people spend their whole lives attempting to define who they are as a person. I’ve come to the realization that ‘who I am’ is in a constant state of flux. To attempt to define something that is always changing is not only pointless and counter-productive but harmful. What if I have future doubts about […]

Family —

There’s a point in family development where the children grow up and should be treated as adults by their parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc.. the authority of “elder” must evaporate and mutual respect must be given, as equals. If this shift does not happen and the (now adult) children are continuously treated as inferior, non-authoritative […]

Jimbo —

JimI saw you againAgain in a dreamYou weren’t so happyHappy to see me You came home and saw me andI remember your expressionIs it still your fucking chicken? Back when my gamesmasked all my tensionBack where the living roomBecame your regression You were a shimTo hold a woman togetherShe didn’t get any betterAnd you broke […]

The FoxIt Linux Fiasco —

Last night when I was off-site furiously doing a major upgrade on a client’s server I checked my email. I quickly glanced at the RKHUNTER logs sent to me by a script I crafted up a long time ago. They were for my primary Linux system at home. My heart skipped a couple of beats […]

reCaptcha v3 —

I’m impressed with reCaptcha v3. I haven’t gotten any spam through my contact forms on various sites I manage since I installed it. The best part is that I don’t have to subject any innocent people to clicking on endless pictures of storefronts, cars and traffic signals. I fucking hate that shit. I hate it […]

Performing Music —

What I learned about performing music (in the handful of times I actually have gotten to) was that you don’t have to play every note perfectly. Stage presence is more than half of what people remember. It’s the passion you have that is what makes the art awesome, and people resonate with that more than […]

Feelings —

There are events in my life that have evoked immense feelings. These feelings are very much personal in that I cannot transfer them to another person in a loss-less format. Meaning, I cannot create the exact same feelings in someone that I felt myself during those events. And logically so – we are all individuals […]

Fog —

Driving over the mountains this morning, the fog was heavy. Really heavy. It was hard to see through it. At first it was eerily beautiful, even comforting though cold and unforgiving. A pair of soft black gloves I’d purchased before the end of the year were my companions, along with the music coming from my […]

Borderline, Narcissism, Manipulation and Co-Dependence —

It’s becoming clear to me through the help of family and research that I grew up in a fairly textbook borderline, narcissistic, manipulative and co-dependent environment. It’s a hard reality to accept because as I read about these traits I understand that I inherited them and are a current part of me. Instead of fighting […]