> The Darkener's Console

The trap door crashes shut, and you hear someone barring it.

Tesla – Solution —

Back before Elon Musk’s electric car company, there was the rock band that actually wanted to be named “City Kidd”. They got the message back then about global warming.
I had the CD this track was on when it came out. I was a teenager and recently obtained it again in my early 40’s. I had forgotten about the song “Solution” and thought it would be appropriate to talk about it now that the human race hasn’t quite united yet on sacrificing or compromising some aspects of their life for the sake of the future of the planet, the human species, and every other living thing here.
Down to the wire, on the end of the road
Down to the wire, and the kids don’t know
Mother Nature’s on her knees, and we’re the reason of her disease
Hangin’ off the ceiling, climbing up the walls
Crawling on my hands and knees to make it through it all
Now we can change or stay the same, one’s the answer and the next to blame
Solution is a world of change

If we’re gonna make it through tomorrow

Down in the dirt and fallin’ out on the street
Crossin’ the line myself (to make it to me)
Mother Nature’s still on her knees, and we’re the reason of her disease
Hangin’ off the ceiling, climbing up the walls
Crawling on my hands and knees to make it through it all

Now we can change or stay the same, one’s the answer and the next insane
Solution is a world of change

If we’re gonna make it through tomorrow
The solution is to make a change today, oh yeah

Make it, I said make it!


Down to the wire, on the end of the road
Down to the wire, all the kids don’t know
Mother Nature’s down on her knees, and we’re the reason of her disease
Hangin’ off the ceiling, climbing up the walls
Crawling on my hands and knees, just to make it, just to make it

Now we can change or stay the same, one’s the answer and the next to blame
Solution is a world of change

If we’re gonna make it through tomorrow
The solution is to make a change today, okay
If we ever make it, now will we ever make it
Through tomorrow
Through tomorrow

Public Service Announcement —

You are having difficulties because you are fundamentally at conflict with your thoughts and feelings and you are using X as a weapon in this conflict. You are hoping that if you do X for long enough you won’t have to feel any of these difficult feelings. This is why it feels so uncomfortable and you are having physical symptoms, it’s because you are fundamentally resisting your emotions which is to fundamentally reject yourself.

As long as you want your emotions gone, that is you want to battle with them, to control them you will always lose and feel overwhelmed. Whatever you resist, persists.

It is a good idea to get out of the habit of resistance because it is resistance to our negative emotions that cause us suffering and not the emotion itself. Emotions are truly neutral, resistance turns them into negative.

To fully accept an emotion:

1. Be honest – don’t gaslight yourself. If you feel angry, sad, ashamed then that’s how you feel and that’s how you SHOULD feel simply because you are feeling that way.

2. Don’t try to feel better – this is our bad habit of resistance. The good intention to feel better is a way of saying I don’t want to feel how I’m feeling now which is rejection. A good test to see if you are accepting is if you can honestly answer no to the question ‘would I mind feeling like this forever?’ (It’s okay if your answer is yes, it takes time to cultivate this attitude, Rome wasn’t built in a day!)

3. See that what you are is acceptance. True acceptance doesn’t come from the mind, it’s not an action that you do. Acceptance is your nature, the nature of consciousness. Consciousness has no way to deny any appearance in it, it’s like an open space. If you understand that that is your true nature you will know it was never you resisting in the first place, it was all the mind

4. Be kind to yourself, it takes time to undo the habit of resistance – we’ve been doing it for so long!

u/Wannabe_Buddha_420 on Reddit

The Source Code —

As I climb the crest of the mountain
Exhaust from the dump truck in front of me lingers and flows into my windows
I’m setting upon another journey on the same tired road I’ve driven ten million times before
Would I be crazy to think that this time would be different?
To think that all of my good deeds and karma would finally pay off?
Or would they simply lead me to entanglement and yet another spider web
And force me to lose an arm to break out…

Mercury heads back out along its way
After an unusually harsh retrograde
While everyone here on the ground is still dizzy
Still drunk from a fortnight of chaos and evil

But I hold steadfast and strong
With a never ending hope that one day
Some day
Things will come back around to me
And the just will once again lead those who need leaders
And the cold blooded reptiles will once again burrow under the hot sand
To hide away and ponder a day when they are allowed to come back again

This road is like a maze, with twisty passages that all look alike
I’m an adventurer, seeking only to explore
But to be free, you must be prepared for war
So with a sword and a stiletto in my hands
I will face the trolls and thieves
And in the underground I find light
Much brighter than above, from a lantern
And I must bring it with me
Else be eaten by a grue
For it lurks in the shadows
Below and above ground
With no discrimination
But for adventurers like me who hold no agenda, but to find happiness and comfort
And maybe some treasure

But let me break the fourth wall
Let me run from the forest directly into the cave
Let me pierce this reality
This is all just a game
So when it’s all over
Let me return
To this bright, familiar road
That I’ve traveled ten million times before
Only to convince myself that maybe this time things will be different

And while Mercury continues out of sight
We will all once again forget the evil and wrongdoing

That comes with confusion
That comes with unease
That comes with not knowing
The source code

(Transcribed from a voice recording taken in 2019/07)

Astrology: Esoteric Nonsense? —

You could say this for any belief system that people take too literally, although I do find it plausible that the orientation of the planets in our solar system has at least something to do with our moods. Force of gravity for instance – humans are made of up to 60% water. The moon pulls on us like it does the tides. Just one very simple example of why so many people believe there’s something to it.

EDIT: Found this pretty interesting.

[Covid-19] California lifts mask mandates for the vaccinated —

Two days ago California lifted the mask mandate for those who are vaccinated only. Those who are unvaccinated are still required to wear masks indoors.

Here’s my rhetorical question: What makes anyone think that anti-vaxers are going to suddenly start following the rules?

I can understand the need to re-open fully for the economy’s sake, but personally it’s a sad state of affairs when money is pitted against public health, no matter to what degree.

Here’s to the 5th wave (cheers), damn I hope I’m wrong though.

Brandon? —

“Let’s go Brandon” is a popular phrase among the alt right because they feel they’re getting away with saying “Fuck you Biden” without actually saying, “Fuck you Biden”.

Because that would actually require, you know…balls.

Ego Strip Social —

I am passive
I listen to you
But I’m only Rx
I don’t transmit too

I don’t mind
No, I don’t mind

I don’t give a flying fuck
I can’t explain it ’cause I think you suck
Sorry but it’s best for both of us

I got my wings
I’m evolving
I’ll take what I need
And that’s all I need

Giraffes Don’t Exist —

I know that you’re starting to
Find out the truth

You’re doing the research
Fight nail and tooth

There’s one thing that I’ve really
Been meaning to tell

To the one that I know
And who knows me so well

It’ll blow your damn mind
How we’ve all been the fool

To the biggest conspiracy
Since we landed the moon

Please understand and
Just turn off your phone

They’re listening to all of us
We’ve made ourselves known

Get ready to hear it,
You’re gonna be pissed

But I had to tell someone
Giraffes don’t exist

Theory —

Theory: Hard-right conservatives and Trump supporters accuse Biden of characteristics that Trump demonstrated while in office even though they bear no relation to Biden in reality. I believe they’re doing this as a subconscious action or reflex of suppressing their fear and self-admittance to having supported Trump, given the fallout and continued mountain of evidence that is stacking up against him and what actually happened during his presidency (especially in relation to January 6th insurrection).

Let’s take a look at this pretty list of characteristics:

  • Dictator
  • Tyrant
  • Fascist
  • Hitler-esque
  • Senile old man
  • Worst President Ever
  • Doesn’t care about the national debt
  • Taking away rights
  • Doesn’t respect American/patriotic/constitutional values
  • Total mismanagement of COVID pandemic
  • Going to bring war to the country through his actions

Who are we talking about again?

Major facets of a nation, things like the economy, society, image and culture shift much like steering a boat. It’s going to keep turning in a particular direction as it gains momentum. Just because it’s been a year doesn’t mean that we’re not still experiencing the steering of the previous administration. No matter how much you crank the wheel in the other direction, depending on how aggressive that last turn was you’re only going to be able to correct so much in a certain amount of time.

The current narrative enables those who wish to continue to suppress the truth, even to themselves, and point their finger at a scapegoat in the name of believing they are ‘still the righteous ones’. Anti-intellectualism is a hell of a drug.

Success vs. Failure —

This came into my head when I was finishing up my Tai-Chi routine this morning:

I was raised believing that there is an ‘end game’ or ‘goal’ in life. When I die, I am judged based on my actions. If I am deemed worthy to go to Heaven, I will spend eternity in bliss. If I am deemed unworthy, I spend eternity in agonizing pain in Hell.

This is counterproductive to the basis of human psyche because it conditioned me early on to strive for goals, to ‘grand finales’ everywhere in life. This mindset made it difficult to imagine the concept of continuous progress and improvement with no concept of a finish line.

When we start to learn a new skill, it can be difficult. Often times we give up  learning after a short while (for example, learning to play the guitar as in the episode of The Simpsons in which the picture above is referencing) because we decide that it’s not worth it. We say things like, “I’ll never be as good as XYZ Legendary guitar player” or “It’ll take too long to get to the place I want to be”. We give up, we feel defeat, and then get depressed about it.

Do you see what I mean? What a fucking waste of time.

What I’ve come to realize is that a simple shift in how I thought about things changed the trajectory of my entire life and how I deal with it. For instance, if I want to be proud and think of myself as someone who practices T’ai chi ch’üan for example… If I want to realize the benefits of calm body and mind and a happy heart, I simply must simply think of myself as someone who does Tai-Chi *now*. The practice becomes more satisfying when I ditch the notion of reaching a goal.

Life is a journey, not a destination” – Aerosmith

Always one hears these little nuggets of wisdom. I feel like it’s reached a much more mature level in my life these days. It’s a weird feeling, like growing up a second time. I guess that’s how life goes.

The first half of my life was a historical mess. If I didn’t force myself to change for the sake of the quality of my own life, I’d still be getting pissed off at red lights that don’t change. I’d still be growing increasingly depressed about the ‘shitty hand I was dealt’ in life looking up and yelling, “WH?!” like Superman when Lois Lane dies in the earthquake. I was constantly externalizing my grief and depression, as if it was being done to me. I wasn’t taking responsibility, I was cowering. Misery is comfortable. Not warm, but comfortable. Familiar. Pretty tragic, really.

I’m an empath to a fault. I’d still be the angry person I was taught to be because I would still be trying to conquer or avoid obstacles that appear in front of me, even mocking my progress and taunting me. “Those obstacles shouldn’t be there! What the hell is going on? I worked so fucking hard, and now THIS?!”.  I would still be “the victim”.

It’s the obstacles that make us better.

In fact, what I used to think of my to-do list is another great example of a destructive mindset. It will never be “done”, because it keeps growing. I will check things off, but I will never have no tasks, I will never achieve the goal I thought I could reach by completing all of my to-dos. Life doesn’t work like that, progress doesn’t work like that. It’s silly to me now how frustrated I used to get at the thought of an ever-growing to-do list, like a mountain that I’m climbing that keeps getting bigger. “How will I ever get to the top if the fucking thing keeps growing?!”

I owe it to myself to understand that if I want to BE SOMETHING, I must acknowledge that I already am. The gradient, the range from start to finish, is never ending and ever-expanding (if I’m lucky!). I will never be the “best” at anything, I will never reach the gigantic, esoteric goals I set out for myself because 100% achieving any goal of this type is impossible. The entropy of human existence and the mind construct of time itself crushes any belief of mine that at some point in my life I can lay down at night, with a big fat smile on my face, and say to myself, “I did it!”. It doesn’t exist. In realizing this, I somehow started motivating myself much more than I ever have before to continually improve myself, make progress in my endeavors and feel true satisfaction at the end of each day.

My hope is to continue to remember this more consistently for the rest of my days. Some people never come to this realization and I’m grateful that I’ve been able to push myself outside of the comfortable boundaries of depression, anxiety and a victim mindset that so many people never seem to escape from. But the mind is a tricky thing; I am still learning how to tame it.

Music related apps, websites, etc. —

Am I the only one who finds it distracting that music (read: audio) related resources online have such a rich visual element?

Here I am with my bluetooth beanie on, connected to my phone, but at my PC doing research. I come across a music blog related to promoting independent artists. I want to stop my music and start something from the site, which would require me taking my hat off and putting on my PC headphones… but my motivation is just not there. I scroll downward through the blog, with large and rich images of artists, related advertisements and other graphical content. There’s a music player in the upper-right corner but I’ve already become distracted by the shiny things. Oh well, I’ll just keep listening to my own music. Maybe if their blog was less about the eyes and more about the ears…

Happy New Year, 2022! —

Here it is, December 31st @ 8:41pm. We’re all making homemade pizza dinner and I run to the bedroom.. I turn on the light, make sure my hair looks nice, spray on a bit of cologne, maybe some eye drops..

After 16 years of marriage I feel things like this haven’t changed a bit. I still want to look good for her, I still get excited that she’ll probably give me that unforgettable smile that she gives when I get close to her, pulling me in for a hug…and stuff… ;) And she does the same types of things.

The love I have for her is endless as I feel hers is for me. I am so goddamned happy and in love all the time, STILL, I don’t know what to do or figure out how I got so lucky. She’s the best and she says the same things… It’s an endless loop of happiness that I can only imagine is what the essence of the meaning of life is. I can only hope the same for everyone in this world, as IMHO there is no greater achievement than finding this kind of consistent love and bliss. <3

On Domain Names, Business Ventures and Hostname Lineage —

I have a domain, let’s call it “networking.tld” (not really). It was obtained for my first business venture.

I first purchased it when I was 22 years old, starting a technical consulting and support company with a really good friend of mine, Chris. Another good friend, Steve, was our ‘acting’ business manager. I remember us all going to Round Table Pizza for a meeting one day. We were to discuss what the company name should be. I remember suggesting “Green Light Networking” which I thought was cool and clever because green blinking lights are synonymous with network links being ‘up’. Chris and Steve didn’t like it, though. They suggested something more formal, such as “Networking Solutions” (not really). I reluctantly bowed to their suggestion given I wanted to impress clients as well with our professionalism (ha!).

With the company name out of the way, we started thinking of a catchy slogan. We started joking around after a few minutes of throwing ideas around. “Networking Solutions – because we live in the information age… or something.” was the one slogan I remember from that day, 19 years later.

Soon after we started out Chris unfortunately bowed out of the operation. In the short amount of time we worked together though, I learned how to be more confident in selling myself and my business to clients. I’ll always appreciate him for demonstrating that with our first prospective, where we were to redesign a Microsoft database (which neither one of us at the time had any idea how to do).

So now that I’m finally winding this business down 19 years later and focusing on my new startup, I’m noticing that the domain we purchased so long ago is deeply embedded into all of my infra. I can’t just “change it out” to be tidy and current. I understand more and more each day how legacy names of systems, services, etc. of *any* operation stick around for years, if not decades, simply because it’s not worth playing janitor if it works. Besides, it’s given me a chance to re-imagine the meaning of the domain name for the future.

But more than that, there’s a certain nostalgia and lineage for I.T. / systems / network administrator / engineer / dev / ops types in the naming of their systems that tells a story; and those stories and how they all play out are some of the most remembered and cherished parts of any business.

Or something.

Another something I don’t remember writing —

I found something I wrote scribbled on a paper note the other day. Don’t remember writing it super well but I like it =p

Live like you’re different
But remember you’re the same

Out of all the lives I’ve lived
Only one thing hasn’t changed

A compass can’t direct
You can lead a horse to water
I like to live life for today
I like to live life for tomorrow

Entropy —

I want to believe
In all this entropy
These synchronicities
Are undeniably

All mine

I want to dismiss
This negative hiss
But it seeks balance
It sucks me

So dry

But I want to believe