> The Darkener's Console

There is an object which looks like a tube of toothpaste here.

Curse of Consciousness —

I wouldn’t recommend the pursuit of consciousness to anyone. I would not have chosen it for myself. I didn’t. It chose me. If it hasn’t called your number yet, don’t worry. It will, eventually.

It will draft you from your small life and make impossible demands. You will say, “No”, “It can’t be done”, or “I don’t want to” and it will laugh at your naivety. It will speak to you in symbols, a language you don’t know.

It will shake the stable earth. It will break your mirrors and douse your life with gasoline. It will light your spirit on fire. You will die and give birth to yourself in the same instant, again and again.

You will realize that Shakespeare was right. That all the world is just a stage. You will wonder why you’ve been playing so small a part. For an instant, you will be ecstatic. You will attempt to embrace your epic proportions until you will collapse back into your reality.

You will question your sanity. Constantly. You will conclude that you are crazy. Then, correct. Then, crazy. Then, brilliant. Then crazy again.

You will remember that you are God having a human experience. Then you will remember you are just you—weeping, screaming, slaving and all that makes you “YOU”. You will ask yourself again whether you are just delusional. Then you will realize that we all are delusional, and those of us who can analyze our delusions are called artists, scientists, and philosophers.

You’ll wonder what kind of cruel joke this world is, and yearn for a home you can only remember by feel—fuzzy, glowing golden, drenched in light. You’ll find gratitude for your suffering. You will also realize that suffering has no value. Out of your wailing, flailing despair you will realize that your love has been inverted.

You will see that you contain all opposites and spend many years trying to figure out which one is true, and snuff out the one you believe to be a lie. You will try to murder yourself, and fail. You will change your mind and reverse your strategy. And again. This tactic is a pendulum shaped like an axe that swings wild and wide. This is how you will die the death of a thousand cuts.

When you grow bored of bleeding out you will decide you are great enough to contain all opposites. You will attempt to love them, equally. But you won’t. You will conclude that good and evil is an opinion. You will begin to question how your opinions have developed. You will keep some, and discard others.

You will reason that if the same intelligence that holds the cosmos together, that keeps the sun at perfect distance, that spins the earth, is present in all things then maybe, just maybe, even this is somehow perfect—its horror and its ecstasy.

Don’t buy the fairy tales written by spiritual gurus and career consultants recycling from each other. They have too much to gain from selling you something that cannot be owned. If you buy it, all you will get for your trouble is the knowledge that you are broken. It will make you feel like you are wrongly put together. Because your own journey is not like the escalator ride up the mountainside that they’ve promised you. Not even with all your meditation, yoga, or group chanting.

The art of becoming conscious is like any other art—you must find your medium, your talent, and your unique approach to expressing the themes that move and torment you the most. Finally, you must grow the patience and courage to claim your impossible dream. Doing this will take mastery over the forces of density and duality. Mastery over your many faces, the thoughts that burn you at the stake, your own terror.

No. I wouldn’t recommend the pursuit of consciousness to anybody, but should you find yourself pursued, there are a few things you should remember—you can’t outrun it because even though it may announce your number through seemingly external circumstances, the motor of consciousness is inside you and it will pull every curtain in your life down if you refuse to submit.

There is no map, so don’t buy yours secondhand. The gurus can’t save you. The career can’t save you. The relationship can’t save you. You will only find your way one step at a time. Listen to others, if you want, and learn, but don’t make the mistake of thinking they know the way home. If they did, they would be there by now.

And while we’re at it, there is no “there.” You don’t know who you are. Where you’ve come from is unknown. Where you’re going is mysterious. What your soul commands of you can only be found within you. No one else knows what you are here to do. And for now, here is all there is.

Alison Nappi


Rameses B – Meaning Of Life —

You will simply become, completely absorbed in sound
And therefore you will find yourself, living in an eternal now
In which there is no past, and there is no future,
It all becomes one doing… one happening

You will simply become, completely absorbed in sound
And therefore you will find yourself, living in an eternal now
In which there is no past, and there is no future,
It all becomes one doing… one happening

When we make music, we do it, to improve your mind.

To improve your character
And
Bring us into a state of peace where we can understand that the point of life

Is simply here and now
The journey itself is the point
The playing itself is the point

You will simply become, completely absorbed in sound
And therefore you will find yourself, living in an eternal now
In which there is no past and there is no future
It all becomes one doing… one happening


Coincide —

Looking at you, like
You could see what I do

Showing you the songs
That made me feel like
It was all worth something
And I got so lucky…

Now I want to spread it out far and wide, to
Catch you all on this ride
What’s yours is also mine
It can all coincide
It can all coincide


ToTD —

That quote in red defines how I feel music should be treated by every true artist at its core — a foundational, instinctual motive to create music not for profit, but for expression.

Everything after that is just icing on the cake.


Makes Sense to Me —

This seems to make sense. Not for *all* people, but many I’m sure are too prideful to admit they were conned or taken advantage of. Embarrassing.

I want those people know that nobody’s judging them and there’s no reason to feel any shame. Cut your losses; you found him out—leave it at that.

We’re all in this together. Let’s forge a path forward for us *all* to grow, prosper and tackle all of the other problems we face as a nation.


Felon —

I think we all need to take a look at Trump’s track record from 2016-2020. I think we’ve all got a bit of amnesia from what happened, and didn’t happen during that time period, because it seems like we’re all moving forward with the 2024 election like it’s a do-over.

Trump had 4 years to fix the issues he’s repeating today. He’s blaming Biden for the state of the nation, when Biden has had to play ‘clean-up’ after the literal shit was smeared on the walls as the fantastic climax to Trump’s presidency and failed re-election.

This man has no sense of responsibility, only finger-pointing. He is mad, which is fine, but men do not blame others for the things they’re responsible for. This has been Trump’s game plan his entire life—what has he ever claimed responsibility for? What wrongs has he ever admitted to?

Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

I’m sick and tired of this goldfish-memory complex that supposedly has zombified the nation. And for those who are die-hard loyals to Trump, I ask you this: Do you *really* want a civil war? Imagine the day-to-day, the real reality of that type of conflict – being under constant attack, putting your family in danger, for the sake of defending a man who can certainly talk the talk, but can’t walk the walk for anybody but his own narcissistic, hyper-self-centered ego. Is that *really* who you’re willing to die for? Is that really your calling? Or should you hang up the phone, shake your head and move on from the mega MAGA gaslighting parade?

We’re not “Republicans” and “Democrats”. We’re not “Liberals” and “Conservatives”. We’re “Americans.” All of us.

We need to remember that.

I think you’d be surprised as to how similar we all actually are when you tear down the artificial wedge that’s been sledge-hammered between us. “Divide and Conquer” is the name of their game. Is that what you want the American legacy to end up as? Divided and Conquered by those who care not about our constitution, but about their own power?

I know what some of you are thinking, that I’m a hypocrite, that Biden and the hard-left are the ones disregarding the constitution and are power hungry to strip us of our God given rights as Americans. To that, I have one word for you: Projection.

Psychological projection (or projection bias) can be defined as unconsciously assuming that others share the same or similar thoughts, beliefs, values, or positions on any given subject. According to the theories of Sigmund Freud, it is a psychological defense mechanism whereby one “projects” one’s own undesirable thoughts, motivations, desires, feelings—basically parts of oneself—onto someone else (usually another person, but psychological projection onto animals and inanimate objects also occurs). Thus, projection involves imagining or projecting the belief that others originate those feelings.[1]. The principle of projection is well-established in psychology.”

And to you anti-intellectualists: Just because you don’t understand something, doesn’t mean it’s wrong, or doesn’t exist.


Anyone who DECRIES this verdict —

What makes more sense is that anyone who DECRIES this verdict is a danger to you and your family, because they’re not respecting the rule of law, juries made up of people just like you and I, or our legal system on a foundational and constitutional level.

I don’t think any Democrat, Independent, or any non-Trump supporter around the world for that matter thinks ANYONE should get away with crimes they commit.

Period.

Yes, even Hunter, Jesus tap-dancing Christ.

Can we fucking move on, now? We have a country to unite. We don’t need any more of this toxic partisan rhetoric. There’s much more to come for him, too, this isn’t his only shit he’s done (or will do, most likely, unless he actually goes to jail.)

I say let anyone who committed a crime do their respective time, according to the law – because if we have no enforcement of law, we have anarchy. If we need to question laws, let’s do that too. But don’t just go making laws and then pretend that SOME people don’t need to abide by them. You’re no better than me, I’m no better than you.


Where Music (And All Art for That Matter) Deserves to Be Placed in Western Culture —

When people can afford music, they buy or subscribe to it.
When people can’t afford music, they download it, rip it, copy it, steal it, whatever. Or listen to it with ads, marketing products and services that put the music on the same level..

But shouldn’t everyone have equal access to music?
If you want it, or..NEED it?

Is music a “product” to be bought, sold, rented, ‘allowed to be’ played publicly, ?
Or is it an expression and an art that’s meant to be shared FREELY, for the benefit of the receiver, first and FOREMOST?
Artists need to eat, yes. There is no arguing that.
We must have two basic things: food and shelter, to juice our souls for the music we create—but most times, unfortunately, not much else.
Do we deserve MORE than the bare minimum? Abso-FUCKING-lutely.
Some people even make music WITHOUT the above two presumed prerequisites. How? Why?
Because we *have* to. It’s in our blood, and bones. It’s a sense of tranquility. It’s another plane. It’s harmony, something we’re all meant to feel.

It’s what we’re meant to do.

Even with the rise of all this technology and connectivity, too much music is still locked behind some kind of paywall or subscription.
Artists DESERVE comfort, and recognition, and success, for the applied skill and dedication to their craft. ESPECIALLY when it can benefit so many others.
If you could see what they see, it’d be worth its weight in gold and more… Because it is.
Even if it’s raw, rough around the edges.
If it’s a true expression, it’s priceless.


Trigger —

I think we can all agree that most people aren’t triggered by the _content_ of racist/sexist/transphobic/etc. comments, but solely by the *intent* of them (and the person’s reputation).

I’d like to make a video series with puppets, where they all hurl insults at each other based on their appearance or perceived race/sex/etc., mimicking modern human behaviour. But make it comical – take the hate out of it, make it all a joke.

You know, like it used to be, before some people (COUGH45COUGH) started doing it, being slight and actually serious about it, and using them as dog whistles.


Moon Racing Through an Atmosphereless Sky —

I want to take all this
From you
I want to take all this
From you
I want to take all this…

Pain
Racing through an atmosphereless sky
Pain
It’s a trip back in time
Why don’t they see, I just want it to be
Me…

A moon, a meteor
Exploding like a billion fireworks
A chance to change the future
I can’t help but feel
This dream must be real…

A hospital room
A fleeting bird
A plan that wakes confusion

All of this congeals
In a constantly turning wheel
And now you get to heal

Yes, this dream must be…


Religion vs. Moral Compass —

I think that some hardcore religious folks view people who don’t believe in their religion as fundamentally bad, unenlightened or flawed. Evil, in some cases.

I personally think that non-religious people are just as moral, ethical and kind as everyone else. They simply don’t subscribe to an organized, official group or way of thinking. They are open-minded to the possibility that what they currently believe isn’t the end all, be all of life and reality.


Kamakazi —

Why does it have to be this way?
I’ve done everything

My soul turns to black
I cannot escape this
I can’t take this anymore
Fighting for scraps

Selling myself to the ones I hate
The ones that are killing us all

“Stand for something”
Kamakazi
Kamakazi
Kamakazi

I just want to be free
I want to believe
But with all I give,
All I get is
Moral bankruptcy


Jobs —

How I feel when I apply for 47 jobs online in which I have 27 years of industry experience, and the receptionist acts like I’m an idiot for calling to follow up and talk to someone in person:


Meta’s $197 Billion Surge Is Biggest in Stock-Market History —

I just love reading headlines like this, when I’m working my ass off and can barely keep the lights on in my own fucking house…

https://finance.yahoo.com/news/meta-200-billion-surge-biggest-152002946.html

Is there any room in the world for a determined, passionate human being that truly wants to change the world for the better? All I want is enough money to support my family, I couldn’t care less about being rich.

I want to do something that MATTERS.


People Problems —

Dare I say, in the United States?

Child porn isn’t a technology problem. It’s a people problem.

Mass shootings isn’t a gun control problem. It’s a people problem.

“Far right”, Neo-Nazism and MAGA isn’t a politics problem. It’s a people problem.

Human beings need to come together, now more than ever. We’ve been divided and conquered by the ones who seek power and control over liberty and freedom. No longer is Free Speech an honorable virtue, but largely demonized as a haven for the scum of the Earth to spread hate, fear, uncertainty and doubt to those they wish to oppress.

And for what, ultimately? The satisfaction in believing that they’re better than those they don’t agree with, that they’re threatened by? Fear is a hell of a drug. And it’s cutting our collective nose off to spite our face. I think that’s what gets me the most—it’s like a bad, slow motion dream where I can’t speak, but am seeing these things unfold in a mutually destructive manner. It’s like the Scorpion and the Frog.

What a pity that we’ve gotten to this point. I hope we can still dig ourselves out before it’s too late. Otherwise, I fear it’s going to be a hell of a bloodbath. Is that really what we want?


“I Still Have a Dream” by Bert [Kosmic FreeMusic Foundation] (1996) —

I was going to post this track here and talk about how much it has meant to me over the years. I was going to say how it’s my go-to track for when I’m feeling like some old school 90’s electronic. How I downloaded it from some unknown place, maybe a LAN party, maybe an FTP site, I don’t honestly remember. But I always loved this track especially, and have listened to it over the years many times, up until (at least) 2024.

I was exporting the .XM music format it was in to one digestible by most browsers and some hidden (to me) metadata appeared on the export screen. I had *never* seen this before!! It’s like this really cool easter egg, to find this almost 30 years later. So I’ll post it and post the track as well for you, hopefully D.R.van der Velden doesn’t mind.

“I Still Have a Dream by Bert [Kosmic FreeMusic Foundation]

This song was inspired by Martin Luther King Jr. (1920-1968) Prior to his fatal shooting, MLK toured annualy, denouncing the hardships of African-Americans. “I have a dream”, one of his most stirring national adresses, was delivered on August 28, 1963 before 250,000 people at the Lincoln Memorial…………

Sample Origin:
-bassdrum, hihat & claps: tr909 ftp site
-percussion: krystall
-bass: tx16w ftp site
-piano: basehead
-synth: sampled from my psr500 keyboard
-speech: sampled from ‘America’s greatest speeches’ audio CD

-bells: maz sound ftp

-female voc: krystall

Feedback & Info:
-kosmic.nfo file or email
-d.r.vandervelden@wbmt.tudelft.nl Berts Music Department
-www.dsdelft.nl

/~vdvelden/

Copyright 1996 D.R.van der Velden

All Rights Reserved”


EDIT 1: Tried e-mailing the address and visit website above, but both are out of commission =(

EDIT 2: Here’s the Wikipedia page for Kosmic Free Music Foundation


Repetition —

You wanna know the secret to success?

Repetition.

It’s no more complex than that.

Music and rhetoric.

Art and politics.

You wanna steer a people?

Repetition.

We’re all fucking apes. We think we’re so smart, so evolved… go fuck yourself.

We’re animals, feeding off of the umbilical residue of generations before us…

In the end, all we really are is energy manifested into an extremely slow vibration, colliding with matter and fucking reality with our existential dicks in the air.

Yeah, you fucking heard me. Go fucking talk yourself into a coma, this is all that really matters.


Nothing to Gain —

I know I’ve written about Mudvayne before, and the song “Nothing to Gain” (from L.D. 50) has always stuck out to me with its eccentric time signatures. I was just listening to it again after some time. Parts of the song, including the outro, are in 17/8.

Yeah, you read that right. And it fucking flows *so* well. It’s pretty damn amazing.